Chief cook and Dishwasher

-1-

JC and I were playing Urban terror on PS2 when James ran into the lounge and switched the monitor to TV.
'What the hell, man?' I said. I was just about to kill that bastard JC and I wanted to do that move where you take a dump on the corpse. Hell, he deserved it after all those times he killed me with a fucking pen. And besides Jem and Sarah were there, and I've had a thing for Sarah for ages, ever since she started cooking at the cafe with us and making those muffins that look like the cookie monster eating a cookie, and I know that move would have made her laugh like crazy.
James was pale and I'm pretty sure he was crying. 'Shut up,' he said, 'watch'.
Suddenly Jem fell on the ground and started convulsing. Sarah screamed.
JC said 'Jesus, call an ambulance.'
Jem, still writhing with pain, said, 'No ambulance.'
I crouched down next to Jem and tried to open her airway. 'Please,' she said, 'no ambulance.' I nodded.
'James, do something,' Sarah said. James was a male nurse at the community clinic. He would know what to do. But James did nothing. Only stared at the TV and cried. So I looked at the TV and, I swear, at that moment I was sure this was all a dream and my whole body just went limp because I knew I was going to wake up in a minute. I mean there was a spaceship on the news, one of those big ones like on Independence Day, and it was hovering over Big Ben. I mean, how retarded is that?  
And then Jem began to change.
Look I've known Jem pretty much my whole life. We grew up together, we went vegetarian together, we started that animal rights group together, and then we got together, and then we opened the vegan cafe together, and even after we broke up because all she ever wanted to do was travel the world she still came over every Sunday afternoon when she was in town to hang out with JC and me, and she always called when she knew I was having one of those days. I loved that girl like a sister and I swear to god I knew her inside and out.
Jem had this big tattoo on her chest, it was like a silhouette of a crow, she got it when she was sixteen and she called it Sebastian, or Seb for short. She was a big girl, not surprising because she could never make something without tasting it first. So she's convulsing right? And then suddenly she starts getting smaller, it was like she was, well, diminishing, and then I swear to god, Seb's wing moved under her skin.
I threw myself back and hit my shoulder on the lounge table, one of the beers fell over and spilled on my back. JC and Sarah were standing there hugging each other. Their eyes were huge, their mouths open. James turned away from the TV and watched Jem with a blank expression. And then Jem, my Jem, stops convulsing and this big motherfucking crow just pulls out of her skin and sits on her chest pecking its wing.
Sarah screamed.
The rest of us couldn't move. I was wet and crouched against the lounge table. James was staring at Jem tears streaming from his eyes, and JC was holding Sarah so tight that his knuckles had gone white.
Jem pulled herself up on her elbows and said: 'sorry about that guys.' the she spat out some black junk that looked like ink and she said: 'Seb, seek.' The huge black crow crowed and flew out of the window. Nobody moved. Jem smiled.
'I swear I can explain all of this, but can someone please get me a glass of water?' Jem said. She got up slowly and sat down again on the couch.
I ran my fingers through my hair, sticky with beer and said, 'sure.' Then I got up and went to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water.
When I came back into the lounge everyone was sitting on the couch watching the TV. I looked at Jem. She was tying up her dreads with one of her other dreads, and she was thin. Now this was a woman I have known for twenty years, since I was twelve, and now that I thought about it she only started getting big when she had Seb done. But I lived with her for almost five years. I'd slept in a bed next to her and I held her more times then I can count and that thing had never ever moved. It was impossible. But I looked at her and her breast plate was now blank and she was thin. And then the TV said: 'NASA estimates that about 1200 spaceships have now appeared in thousands of locations all over the world. Their placement appears random. They have appeared over big cities as well as deserts, oceans and even Antarctica.'
'It's not random,' Jem said, 'the 1245 spaceships make up a grid that functions like a beehive. They will stay up there for five days, to acclimatize and then their army will invade and begin to farm you for food.'
I handed Jem the glass of water. She said, 'thanks.' then, 'There are about three thousand of us here. We're rebels, kind of like our planet's animal rights activists I guess. We'll fight them. We've spent 20 years training and recruiting an army of locals to help us. We're been ready for a while.'
'What was that thing coming out of your chest?' I asked.
'Oh, that was SEB. Sub Epidermal Binder. He's like a tracking device, it's hard to explain.'
'They're going to eat us?' James said.
'Your planet is one of over a thousand empire sanctioned slaughter houses. The human race is considered primitive and our system of belief says our god is ok with eating you.' 
Sarah leaned her head into JC and hid her face in his chest. 'But we'll stop them', Jem said. 'We'll stop this.'
'I want to go home now,' Sarah said.
JC stroked her hair and said, 'sure babe, I'll take you.'
That bastard, he knew I was into her. That bastard.
Suddenly James ran out of the room. JC was just helping Sarah up when James came back in with a gun. He pointed it a Jem. 'You're an alien,' he said.
Sarah screamed. Man, she was beginning to get on my nerves with all this maiden in distress bullshit. JC stepped in front of her which pissed me off even more because he was just pandering to her fantasies.  
'Jesus, James where did you get a gun?' I said.
'Yes,' Jem said, 'but I'm on your side.'
James fired.