Taking Life Seriously

-15-

At this point, dear reader, I'm sure you have a lot of questions.
'But La,' you're thinking, 'is this an isolated incident? Or is this happening all over?' and 'Why the bad costume design, La?' and 'Is Anita a real redhead?' But most of all, most of all you are thinking, 'Where are all the children in this story? Why are there no kids?'
So let me put your mind at ease here:
First off, although The Pack have no idea of what is going on in the world outside of the Savemore, this is in fact happening everywhere in the world. Yes, even in your home town. Yes, even in the countryside where nothing ever happens unless people are really massively drunk. At this moment hundreds of thousands of spaceships hover above the earth and platoons of soldiers dressed in bad tin-foil-like costumes are decimating the general population. They show no mercy and they do not take prisoners.
The good news is they can be killed as you've already seen. Come on, you can't tell me that you really believe this uber technology bull they sell you on the Sci Fi channel? like that aliens are the superior race with amazing weapons humans don't stand a chance against? Well, to be fair, they do have superior fire power, but only in the sense that the conquistadors had better weapons than the local population of what is today called the USA, so if you think about it, a well executed guerrilla resistance force can stand up to them with relative ease provided that they are well trained, well fed, and have, at least, a general knowledge of the area they have lived in their entire lives.
'So where is the army?' You're asking. That is a good question.
I'd like to point out that almost every army and police base in the world has just been blitzed. So they need a little time to get their shit together and let's cut them some slack here, because even though in times of peace all they do is brutalise and enforce authority, be it just or not, in times of war they are the first ones to get eaten. So that's all right then. Anyway, give them a couple of hours is all I'm saying.
So now the real tough questions:
Where are all the children? They're in school I guess, it's like one in the afternoon, where else would they be? Except for those two teenage girls who obviously cut class and would have been busted by their principal who was out shopping for lawn furniture with her boyfriend at Home Style, but who now is fortunately (for the two girls at least) lying face down in a pool of her own congealed blood just in front of Ahmed Falafel. Besides we all know it's bad taste to kill children for fun, so I'm going to avoid it if I can. And let's not have any more out of you on that one.
As for the costume choice, let's just leave that out for now. We'll get to that in a minute.
And that question about Anita, well that could only have been asked by a teenage boy, and to that I say: you should go out more, maybe take up tennis or something. 

So now, where were we? Oh yes, the alarm jut went off.