Taking Life Seriously

-17-

Martin met Betsy back in '92 in a disco out in the city. His friends were all dancing, but he was awkward and he stayed by the bar by himself staring into his drink and feeling like he was in that Smiths song, 'How Soon is Now'. Then she suddenly tripped on that bar stool and spilled her beer all over him, and she spent half an hour apologizing. He didn't mind. He thought she was just the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen and he let her pat him dry and apologize, and then he let her ramble on about work and Kurt Vonnegut and water on Mars. He himself said very little, he just didn't want her to stop talking. 

They were both kids then, just out of school and neither has ever kissed another person before that night. It was clumsy and odd, but to them it was something a lot more meaningful than just the sensation of having a warm tongue in your mouth and getting caught up in each other's braces. And he knew, right from that first night, that he would never love another.

They married a year later. Betsy had gone on to study Bio engineering in the city and he was going for his medical degree and the future had looked bright and they were happy and in love. But the gods frown on happiness, and two months after being told that he was getting his apprenticeship in the best hospital in the city, Betsy had had the accident. 'My future started with an accident', Martin often said, 'and then it ended with one.'

The truck driver was drunk and on speed and he ran a red light and hit her from the side. Betsy was in a coma for three weeks. 

When she woke up she was different. She would forget things, and she cried for no reason at all. Sometimes he found her standing in the middle of a room looking at an arbitrary object like a wine opener completely unable to conceive what it was meant for.
It was still his Betsy only, other. She couldn't retain information as well as before and then the seizures started and the medical bills, and there was no way they could move out south now and who would take care of her when he was working the night shift and she'd be all alone in a strange house in the big city?
So he stayed close to friends and family and he took a job at the Savemore because what the fuck else can you do in a place called Gort. But there are more good days than bad and she is still the girl he loved and right now she was...
'I'm going home,' said Martin.

I totally forgot to take life seriously

The first thing that happened this year was the tarot card. I opened it because people are curious and because even sceptics are romantic on cold sunday mornings. It was the ten of swords: ruin, defeat, delusion, despair. 

People like me, they don't ever grow up, they only grow old. it's because we have a stunted emotional development as result of something or other, or because we have fucking terrible luck. but not as bad as R. that was the second thing that happened. he went to a bar with a few friends and got attacked by a nazi because he's from chile. ten minutes later R was home and the nazi was in a coma. three days later the nazi was dead. just bad luck folx. terrible lousy ten of swords kinda luck.

So here's me now. i spent my life doing whatever the fuck i wanted with no regards at all for the future and it fucking shows. when i look in the mirror now i wanna punch myself in the face because i can't recognise me anymore and maybe cause i sort of like it.  

i do okay for myself. having been alone a lot so i know how to be alone, something which most people don't want to learn, but i'm new in this city, hardly speak the languagge and then there's my imaginary friend. And that's the third thing that happened and it is that i fell in love with someone who doesn't love me back, or who does and is too afraid to act on it. In any case i can't keep holding my breath here, i'm turning purple from the effort. 

it's bad luck and it feels bad. It's weird how you close your eyes one day and you're 20 and you blink, and you're 40 and 60 is around the corner and there's so much i'm forgetting. I clear forgot about this blog. i travelled near the whole of 2012 and then i didn't have a computer for a couple of years (yeah yeah, fucking luddite) and then today i decide to kill the voices in my head but they're persistant, so i start out by reading a bunch of stuff and then i rememeber i have so much writing i did, most of it is lost, at least two books worth, but some of it is around and then i find this jem. so maybe not such bad luck after all.

i figure if i write a bit every day i can kinda hand this over to my sister's kids when i'm done and maybe they'd like that. probably not. 

i live in hope.

we now return you to your schedualed episode of taking life seriously

Taking Life Seriously

-16-

 

There was a noise of a wet thing tearing and the alarm squealed. 

They ran then, all twenty six of them, Martin lagging behind because of the weight of Aileen Anders who was slung over his shoulders like a silicone mannequin. And then they were knocking on the stock room's metal door, furious, helpless, panicking. 

In their minds they could see those things coming, thousands of them, with laser guns and tinfoil suits, and teeth. In their minds they all had teeth.

They knocked, they begged, they prayed to be let in. 

'Please someone, anyone, anyone, oh god, anyone, open the door.' But no one answered. 

They screamed at the door, at each other, at their gods, but the gods were out that day surfing on the emerald beaches of some distant world and no one heard their promises to be better people, and to go to church every Sunday, and be kinder to their dear old mommies.

'Shit! Shit! Shit!' said Dean. 

'What now?' asked Anita.

'They're in there,' said Gordon. 'We have to get them to open the door.'

'The bastards!' said Dylan.

'No, wait, wait, they can't hear us,' said Martin panting. 'It's a fortified door, it's sound proof.'

'Ah right,' said Dean, 'you can't hear shit in there when the door's closed, that's how Donovan busted us when Anita was going down..'

'Dean!' Anita cut him off.

'Shit, sorry, babe.'

'Dumbass,' said Anita.

'In the stock room? Seriously?' asked Rajesh.

Dean shrugged and smiled.

'Ewww, I touch those boxes every day, you deviant. I swear if I touched a box that had any contact with your naked ass I will...'

'Never mind all that now,' said Gordon. 'We have to try and get hold of them.'

'The intercom,' said Martin.

The pack all looked at him. 

Dylan said, 'Fuck.'

The Savemore was built in 1978 by Switch Construction in coordination with the now defunct Everlasting Holdings Ltd.  It's total size in squared meters is 7530. It has an entrance atrium with an information and cellular telephone stand and behind it are 56 aisles, which since 2002 are organised alphabetically. 

There is a separate electronics and music store to the left of the supermarket. In the front are 24 check out tills, three of which are cash only. To the right of the store are the fitness, clothing and outdoors sections. There are two toilets. One is behind aisle 23 and the other behind aisle 50. The entrance to the employee section is behind the outdoors section, and is a long corridor which splits off to a T section, with the loading bay exit on the right. On the left are management offices, the control room, the employee lounge, a locker room, staff toilets and the stock room. In case of emergency the corridor functions as a fire exit and escape hatch. There was an intercom in the management office, but it had been broken on Friday evening by a malicious janitor that had been fired by Rogers for inappropriate use of a mop.

The only other intercom was at the information stand.

Dylan said: 'Fuck,' again.

Taking Life Seriously

-15-

At this point, dear reader, I'm sure you have a lot of questions.
'But La,' you're thinking, 'is this an isolated incident? Or is this happening all over?' and 'Why the bad costume design, La?' and 'Is Anita a real redhead?' But most of all, most of all you are thinking, 'Where are all the children in this story? Why are there no kids?'
So let me put your mind at ease here:
First off, although The Pack have no idea of what is going on in the world outside of the Savemore, this is in fact happening everywhere in the world. Yes, even in your home town. Yes, even in the countryside where nothing ever happens unless people are really massively drunk. At this moment hundreds of thousands of spaceships hover above the earth and platoons of soldiers dressed in bad tin-foil-like costumes are decimating the general population. They show no mercy and they do not take prisoners.
The good news is they can be killed as you've already seen. Come on, you can't tell me that you really believe this uber technology bull they sell you on the Sci Fi channel? like that aliens are the superior race with amazing weapons humans don't stand a chance against? Well, to be fair, they do have superior fire power, but only in the sense that the conquistadors had better weapons than the local population of what is today called the USA, so if you think about it, a well executed guerrilla resistance force can stand up to them with relative ease provided that they are well trained, well fed, and have, at least, a general knowledge of the area they have lived in their entire lives.
'So where is the army?' You're asking. That is a good question.
I'd like to point out that almost every army and police base in the world has just been blitzed. So they need a little time to get their shit together and let's cut them some slack here, because even though in times of peace all they do is brutalise and enforce authority, be it just or not, in times of war they are the first ones to get eaten. So that's all right then. Anyway, give them a couple of hours is all I'm saying.
So now the real tough questions:
Where are all the children? They're in school I guess, it's like one in the afternoon, where else would they be? Except for those two teenage girls who obviously cut class and would have been busted by their principal who was out shopping for lawn furniture with her boyfriend at Home Style, but who now is fortunately (for the two girls at least) lying face down in a pool of her own congealed blood just in front of Ahmed Falafel. Besides we all know it's bad taste to kill children for fun, so I'm going to avoid it if I can. And let's not have any more out of you on that one.
As for the costume choice, let's just leave that out for now. We'll get to that in a minute.
And that question about Anita, well that could only have been asked by a teenage boy, and to that I say: you should go out more, maybe take up tennis or something. 

So now, where were we? Oh yes, the alarm jut went off.

Taking Life Seriously

-14-

Twelve minutes later they were all huddled together on the couch in the employee lounge of the Savemore, Dean hugging Anita fiercely, Martin looking at the floor and fiddling with his thumbs.

They had closed the shop's metal shutters and activated the alarm as soon as they all made it back, so they were locked in, safe, for now. Then they tried the TV and the radio hoping to get some idea of what was going on, but there was nothing, only white noise on all the frequencies. Then they listened to what was going on outside. There were a few isolated zaps, and some screams. Once there was the sound of feet shuffling and someone trying the lock. Then everything was quiet.

'What now, Oh Glorious Leader?' said Dylan.

Gordon frowned, he always frowned when he was thinking, except now that he had shaved the frown looked deeper, and had somehow encompassed his entire face. The others watched him in silence. 

Rajesh got up and examined his ruined goatie in the mirror above the microwave.

'Tom Seleck,' he said.

Anita looked around. There were twenty seven survivors including The Pack, all huddled in small groups on the other two yellow couches and the black plastic chairs in the lounge. A man in his late twenties was giving out water and people were mumbling thanks, too stunned to form whole sentences. The two teenage girls Rajesh and Martin had found were crying and their excessive make up had smeared so that they both looked like members of a Kiss cover band. And there was Aileen Anders, the only person to actually fight one of those things, still unconscious.

Dylan lit a cigarette.
'Ahem,' said a woman in a pink sweater.
Dylan ignored her.
'Ahem,' she said again.
Dylan sighed. Then he put on his best smile and said: 'Why, whatever is the matter?'
'Do you mind not smoking? Only there are children present.'
'Hmm,' Dylan looked at the cigarette, then back at the woman and said, 'Let me get this straight, you have just survived what appears to be a terrorist attack led by members of the Lady Gaga fan club, and what you are in fact worried about is second hand smoke?' 
'Erm...' said the woman.
'Right. Kindly sit down and shut your cake hole, Madam.'
The woman left.
'The shutters won't hold them for long,' said Anita.
'It's going to be okay, the army will come and get us.' said Martin.
'You don't know that,' said Dean, 'you don't know anything. What if it's like this all over the world? What if...'
'Shut up Dean,' said Dylan, 'let's let the man think.'
'Hey,' said Gordon suddenly, 'where is everyone?'
'What everyone?' said Dylan.
'Hello, the Savemore has some staff other than you right? Sixty something, no? And that prick Rogers. They couldn't all have died, I don't see any bodies here, do you?'
'No,' said Dylan.
'So where is everyone?' said Rajesh.
'The stock room,' said Gordon.  The pack all turned to look at him.
'Of course, the stock room, it's brilliant. They must all be locked up in there. It's got that huge metal door and the strong bolt, and enough food for a year's siege.' said Martin.
'Yes! it's brilliant, let's get everybody down there.' said Gordon.
'Nix not carrying the passed out lady,' said Dean, Dylan, Rajesh, Gordon and Anita.
'Seriously?' said Martin.
'Sorry, buddy,' said Dean and clapped Martin on the shoulder.
Martin sighed.

It took them a while to get everyone ready to move. Some of the older people looked like they were in a state of shock and needed a lot of help. Two people were wounded, one had sprained her ankle while running and the other looked like he had a broken arm. The Pack gave instructions, they brought back medical supplies and food from the shelves, and then they got everyone up and moving, well except for Aileen Anders, who Martin was carrying over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes.
They walked down aisle 24 to the corridor that led to the loading bay and turned left toward the stock room.
Then the store's alarm went off

Taking Life Seriously

-13-

See Rajesh run. 

Run, Rajesh, run.

'Bloody RUN!' screamed Martin. 

'I am running as fast as I can, man!' screamed Rajesh.

'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, we are going to die!' screamed Martin.

'Yes, yes, run, man!'

Two of the things were behind them shooting. A laser beam hit the middle aged bald man they found at Total Sports and he dropped to the floor. Rajesh leaped over him and kept running. 

'Jesus!' screamed Martin.

'Yes, yes, shut up already!'

They were seven now. They found the teenage girls hiding inside the All That Glitters, then they found an older couple at the chocolate shop, and then that poor bald dead guy at Total Sports. And then the two things showed up at the shop and started shooting at them and now they were running for the Savemore.

'We can't stay out in the open,' Rajesh yelled, 'we're too easy to hit.'

A flash of laser went off just over his left shoulder and Rajesh could smell burning hair.

'Where then?' yelled Martin.

'Can you smell that?' Rajesh asked. 'Wait a minute, Oh my God, did that thing mess up my beard?' asked Rajesh.

'Are you serious right now?' asked Martin.

'Yes, of course I'm serious is my beard ok?'

'Well I can't see it, it's on the other side of you, innit?'

'So get to the other side of me and look!'

'Jesus Christ, we're running for our lives you crazy moron, I...'

'JUST GET AROUND ME NOW!'

'Jesus, all right, maneuver 23. Ready? Go!'

Rajesh and Martin changed directions and bolted in a complex figure eight. Now Martin was on Rajesh's left. Both still running in the direction of the Savemore.

'Well?' said Rajesh.

'It's not that bad,' said Martin.

'Not that bad?' asked Rajesh and narrowed his eyes.

'Well, it's kind of... sort of... like that time you...'

'Oh my god! tell me I don't look like Tom Seleck right now!'

Martin said nothing.  

'Oh, there will be a reckoning. you mark my words, Martin. There will be a reckoning!'

'Old friend,' said Martin, 'I think that one day soon you may have to seriously reevaluate your priorities'

They ran.

Taking Life Seriously

-12-

The break up was painful, and as expected, intensely cruel in its banality. 

They were talking over a coffee at The Hub for the first time in two weeks. It was her idea of course, talking was always her idea, and she was just sick of being mad at him. She had made up her mind to listen and let him do all the talking. So she drank her espresso and listened. He didn't say sorry, he said: 'I guess some people are just not meant to care about each other.' 

He said: 'Haha, I'm too stoned to be having this conversation with you right now, it's so heavy.'

He said: 'Yes, it bugged me and everything, but I guess I just don't care enough.'

And she sat there not understanding and livid at the waste that was the two years of them living together and at the nonchalant dismissal and at the utter bastard that he'd turned out to be. And she wished that she had never met him, and then that he would get gonorrhea and his dick would drop off, and then she wished he would just drop dead. She felt the fury building up inside her like a napalm bomb.

And just as she was about to tell him what she thought, just as she was about to outline every aspect of what an utter bastard he really was, he died, just fucking died. Shot down with a ridiculous looking laser gun by what was clearly a man dressed in a god awful costume from It Came From Outer Space,  (she knew he was dead because she kicked him in the face three times to make sure). 

She looked up from the corpse of her ex boyfriend and into the face of the man that shot him and screamed in rage. 

Aileen Anders ran straight at the man who was now aiming a gun at her face and dived to the floor. She rolled forward, picked up a shard of glass off the floor, came up with her left hand in a smooth arch and stabbed the man in the throat. The shard of glass tore trough the man's neck and exited above his first vertebrae. She heard a satisfying crunch. The man's eyes glassed over and he collapsed. She kicked him in the stomach and screamed: 'Get gonorrhea and die!'

There was a polite, 'Ahem,' behind her. Aileen turned around. 

'Feeling better?' said Anita.

'Yes, much, thank you,' said Aileen.

'Good. Good,' said Anita. 'Can we get out of here now?'

Aileen looked down at the body of the man she had just killed. It was bleeding. 'His blood is green,' she said, 'why is his blood green?'

'Probably because it's an alien,' said Anita.

'What like from France?'

'I don't think so.'

'Oh,' said Aileen.

Aileen looked around. Terrified people were crouching behind tables and chairs and lying on the floor of The Hub with their hands on their heads. 'Oh,' she said. Then she fainted.